How do you deal with it when you make poor choices? On Thursday, I attended my friends’ Opening Night at a theatre and I had drinks and carbs. I didn’t go overboard but still over calories. Today I’m up on the scale. And on the verge of beating myself up for my own poor choices. So, instead of keeping it in my mind and chewing on it, I decided to reach out.
Heike, Cologne, Germany
Great question and I’m glad you reached out. It sounds like you’re working on yourself – beating on yourself for making the choices you decided to make. So what if you made poor choices? You decided to have the drinks and eat the carbs, right? Be kind to yourself because beating yourself up over something you decided to do in the first place robs you from your current moments.
When I take responsibility for deciding to eat what I want to eat, it frees me from the conversation in my mind and from beating myself up. I have found that when I’m beating myself up, it is just another way of allowing my bratty nature to be in charge of my life. You know, that bratty, noisy voice in our heads that pouts and complains and wants what it wants when it wants it whether it’s good for us or not. To date, I have lost almost 100 pounds. And in my process of losing weight and getting healthy, I have come to realize that I am responsible for my myself – including my bratty nature. It is my bratty nature that wants to eat off-plan. And it is my bratty nature who wants to beat myself up. When I keep my bratty nature in abeyance (or in check) then I can live my life and be fully expressive.
You are the perfect you and you can’t do your life wrong. So what if you ate and drank carbs. The name of the game is to bring awareness to the fact you wanted to do it. Do you know how I know? Because eating carbs and having drinks is what you did. For me, I wanted to weigh 330 pounds (my highest weight). I did it to myself and beating myself up over it only kept the weight and my bratty nature in place. Taking responsibility for the choices I made, without judging myself or making myself wrong for those choices, freed me of my bratty nature – and the weight just fell off!
Here’s another consideration: take a look at what benefit you are getting by beating yourself up. Is it keeping you from fully expressing yourself? Is it keeping you from intimacy? Or a project you should be working on?
As I was rummaging through some old papers recently, I found a weigh in tracker from Weight Watchers. For 5 months, I had gone to a location where I weighed in on a weekly basis and recorded that I was gaining weight. One week I was up a pound. The next week, I was up 2 pounds. Throughout the whole five-month period, the numbers on the scale kept creeping up and, in my thoughts, or my bratty nature, I was wondering why I wasn’t losing weight? When I found this little tracker, I saw how I had been torturing myself – working on myself and beating myself up – by going to a place where I would weigh in, and my weight would be higher. The irony: I was expecting to lose weight even though I wasn’t doing the things I knew I needed to do to lose the weight (like eat well, exercise, etc.). I was avoiding taking responsibility for my choices. My bratty nature was in control. I was not being responsible for something I said I wanted – which was to lose weight.
Life shows up every moment… and when we are working on ourselves, our bratty nature is in charge, which can knock us off our center. Another option is to simply recognize you are off-center (upset), and not judge yourself for being off-center. In doing so, you have a choice. You can choose to be upset, which is a great way to keep you in a snit. Or choose not to be upset and do what you say you want to do. Ultimately, it’s all up to you.